Thursday, June 12, 2008

Busy as a Dented Bee


Sorry for my absence. I've been so busy with work, and I've had so many things on my mind. It's been a constant lost-in-thought week for me.

Sometimes, my thoughts have lead me down sad paths where I wonder why the world is such a dark place. It seems that right and wrong grow progressively more blurred as I grow up, and I begin to long for the days when it was easy to know what was right and I could feel confident in my values and opinions. Now I am constantly thrown into flux. I might feel strongly that something is wrong, but society has come to accept it as normal. I begin to feel lost, as though I'd missed some very important turn off in a road and I'll never be able to go back to make the decisions again.

Sometimes, my thoughts have lead me to question my place in the world. Where do I fit in? What have I contributed so far? One thought that has swirled around in my mind is, "What can one girl do to change the world?" Alas, many times the answer is, "not much, but she can save herself". But what kind of answer is that!?! And deep inside, I wonder if she's just deluding herself and she can't save anyone, including herself.

Sometimes, I am happy. I lean against V and I feel perfectly content. I walk down a sunny path and life is good. I peer down into a pot of soil and I see little growing things, little walking things, and lots of oddly shaped speckles. There is lots to see and lots to discover; I can feel like a new thing exploring a big, friendly world.

Growing up is a very big task. No matter how old you are, there seems to be something else that you never knew about. Some things you are glad to learn about, but some things hurt you inside.

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