Poggy in the Spring - Coping

It has been 5 months since Poggy has been gone.  I stopped by his grave today and left some flowers.  Poor fellow, I wonder what he's doing in Hedgehog Heaven? 

While he might be long gone, his mealworms are doing great.  With no one to eat them, they are multiplying like crazy.  I wish Poggy was around to eat them up  :P  Those lucky living bugs.

Work and wedding plans have been going well in the meanwhile.  I only work part time, but it's enough to give me a good glimpse into the real life of a nurse.  It's a lot different than I thought it would be.  I get to help people every time I go to work, but I have also seen a lot of death since I've started.  I've also seen a lot of blood.  It's unsettling to see so much blood.

I feel like Lady Macbeth at times looking down at my hands and wondering if my hands will ever be clean.  "Out, damned spot! out, I say!... /Here's the smell of the blood still: /All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little Hand. /Oh, oh, oh!"

I miss Poggy.  I used to find it comforting after a hard day to come home to my sweet little friend.  It made me feel so much better.  Now he is gone and I have no one to give me the same kind of comfort.  Who would have guessed such a prickly, anti-social creature could have made me feel so much better?  He was better than the most bitter medicine.

 Sometimes I reach out at night and put my hand on the pillow where he used to sleep beside me when I took naps after a long, hard day of work.  I used to be able to cup my hand on him and he would snuff at me, but let me leave my hand there as we both rested.  We had a good time together, he and I.  It was a good relationship. 

I hope one day I will have a little hedgehog like him again.  It won't be for a while since I have so much wedding planning and travelling over the next while, but hopefully one day it will happen again.

Hello and goodbye, little one.  I hope you are happy wherever you are.

Harry Pogger vs the Hedgehog Dementors

After four night shifts, my mind shifted back from work-work-work to Poggles.  I had hoped to pick up a new baby hedgehog this Sunday, but soon realized I was not really in the right mind set to get a new baby yet.  I still missed Poggles too much.

Instead, my hunny took me out for coffee and pastries, we strolled around the markets, and we hunted for Halloween pumpkins.  He picked three perfect pumpkins and I chose one demented one.  I imagined turning its hideous-ness into some kind of amazing art piece, but had to admit afterwards that the pumpkin (unfortunately) looked like a large orange butt.  C'est la vie.

Today, I curled into bed and read books.  It was very comfy and comforting.  I also painted this picture of Harry Pogger.  He is fighting plump hedgehog-shaped dementors.  My hunny says the dementors need scarier, longer arms, but I like them short and chubby as is.  Sort of cuter... in a dementor sort of way.

My friend came by and gave me a lovely card wishing me to feel better soon.  She also gave me a cute hedgehog ornament that reminded her of Poggles.  She even drew in a V where Poggles used to have two white quills that formed a V-shape.  I thought that was really sweet of her.  It really brought a smile to my day.

I hope you are having a good weekend  :)

xoxo

Over the Rainbow Bridge

It's hard to have no hedgehog.

Ever since Poggles passed away, it is hard passing by his cage every day.  His linens are cleaned and I have piled them and all his belongings inside the cage.  I guess you could say the cage is full, but it seems emptier than it has ever been before to me.

I find it hard to go outside to look at his grave.  It is something I dread.  I cannot believe that my little friend is outside.  He was always inside before.  I think about how it must be cold outside.  When it rains, I think about how he is getting all wet.  It makes my heart break.  It does not seem right.  I want him inside where it is warm and dry.

I don't want to talk about how I miss my hedgehog to other people.  I don't think they will understand.  People say that it is okay to lose a pet, that it only matters and is irreplaceable when it is a person that is gone.  They are wrong though.  It hurts just as much to lose a pet.  In some ways, it hurts more.  Your pet is the perfect friend when you are sad, and now that perfect friend is gone when you need them most.  How do you tell your perfect friend that you miss them when they are dead?

Other people around me tell me about their problems and I am only half-listening.  I am sorry to say that I don't care right now.  I am sorry to say that I am going to be the worst friend ever in the next while.  Please understand.  I just need some time to grieve.  I just want to think about Poggles.

So please be patient with me for a little while.  I have lost a little friend that meant a lot to me, and I don't think I will be okay for now.  I just want to cry for a little while.

xoxo

Here Lies Poggy

Today marks the end of three and a half beautiful years with Poggles.  He passed away early morning. 

 He did not heal properly after the foot injury and the wound kept getting worse.  Despite our best efforts, he was suffering.  He could not walk anymore, he was weak, and he lost weight.  I fed him with a spoon for his last two days and he ate readily.  I had hope that he would recover.  

 Last night he appeared to be in pain or to be having seizures.  I gave him one last dose of pain medication and he settled down.  He licked towards me over and over again like he was thankful or giving me kisses and then settled down looking at me from the opening in his pouch.  

This morning, he was still in the same position looking out.  He didn't answer when I called.  He wasn't alive anymore.  I cried and cried all day long and wondered about all the things I might have done for him to save him.  

In the end, I am just thankful that he waited for me and that I was with him in his last moments.  He was a very good hedgehog and the best study buddy ever.  He was a great source of comfort to me all throughout nursing school.  

I wrapped him in thick paper towel and made him a nice biodegradable coffin out of layers of newspaper.  

Coincidentally, it says, "above & beyond" on the lid.  I thought that was kind of nice.  Like he's gone to heaven or somewhere in the sky.  I can't explain the red seedless grapes though.

We buried him in a lovely plot of the garden where English Mint and Lemon Balm grows.  I think he would have liked the smell.  My sweetheart sang a song and I said a speech for him.  We gathered little flowers from my garden and put them all about his grave.

Rest in peace, my little hedgehog.  I will love you and miss you always.  You will forever be in my heart.  Good bye, Master Pogglebee.

Poggy Healing

Since Poggy's last vet visit four days ago, the swelling has gone down significantly.  However, the wound has dried and it looks rather... appalling.  WHERE DID HIS TOES GO?!?

Poggy seems rather calm about this whole thing, but I have no idea what to expect in terms of healing.

  

It seems like he may end up with some rather unappealing looking toes or maybe missing toes in the end.  Sometimes I get the impression that he lost all the meat on some of his toes and that I am just looking at bones sticking out of his foot.  That worries me a lot.

I have been washing his feet twice a day with a chlorhexidine solution and that seems to have dried out the wound very well.  It seemed like the wound turned dark and stopped swelling overnight.  He must have responded very well to the antibiotic and antiseptic wash.

After his daily foot baths, I have been drying him on paper towels.  They soak up the moisture quickly without any rubbing necessary.

Poggy is rather unenthusiastic about this part of his new daily routine.

Does this look like a pleased expression?

I'm still giving him pain/anti-inflammatory medicine daily, but I notice that he's still guarding the injured leg and semi-dragging his lower body when he moves about the cage.  It's really sad  :(

I hope Poggy heals up soon.

Poggles' Third Vet Visit of the Year

Poggles is now three years old and in this single year, he has had 3 vet visits so far.  Old age sure isn't cheap!

I went to check on him one night before heading to bed and found him sitting in his litter box with blood all around him.  There were two full sized toe nails on the litter around him.  Ouch...  This is the photo after I washed all the blood off his fur and feet.  You can see how red his foot is from the injury. 

The next day, I found two large patches of blood on his linens.  He had removed two more toe nails and his foot was all bitten up.  There looked like a gash on the palm of his foot.  The wound was still oozing and his leg was quite swollen.

Poggy got a foot bath, this time in saline solution - twice.  Then I applied Polysporin original formula to his foot in a nice, thick coat.  I tried to create a bandage dressing, but he was not being cooperative at all and kept flinging it off.

Here he is flailing about.

He looks rather funny.

He kept stretching his legs out like this and trying to turn (unsuccessfully) onto his side.

I was holding him steady from underneath so he finally gave up.

Here he is giving me the finger, er, foot.

He looks like a potato...

Afterwards, I held him on my lap tummy-up for a while so that the Polysporin could have a chance to do it's job.

He was kind of chill about it. 

Well, hello there! 

Look at those cute little feet.  The injured foot doesn't look so bad now that it's coated with Polysporin, but you can tell that it's more swollen than the other foot. 

I let him lie on his side afterwards and sleep.  When he tried to walk, I noticed that he keeps the injured leg tucked up against his body and his uninjured back leg kind of drags behind, weakly pushing him along.  He's basically dragging himself forward with his front legs.  It looks really sad.

I took out his litter pan and put two sheets of paper towel down so that he doesn't have to struggle to climb into the litter pan.  This caused him to poop outside the confines of the litter box area, but he still smartly peed on the paper towel only.

His vet was closed for the day and the emergency vets were unfamiliar with hedgehogs.  So I kept washing his legs with saline and re-applying Polysporin three times a day.  The bleeding stopped and the swelling went down a bit, but the foot still looked ugly.

He went to the vet today and the vet says that his foot is swollen and looks infected at the front.  I was thinking about how much worse it would have looked if I hadn't washed that wound three times a day and applied Polysporin.  I'm pretty glad that I have some nursing skills to attempt to apply to Poggy.  

Poggy got an antibiotic shot and something for pain and inflammation.  He also got some medicine to take home - little doses of anti-inflammatory/pain medication and some special chlorhexidine detergent to wash his wound in place of saline solution. 

I hope Poggy will be okay.  He has finally fully woken up from being put under (gassed) at the vet.  He was really groggy before.  The vet says that he is otherwise very healthy... although the vet did say that Poggy is a little bit fat now.  He gained an extra 30 g since his last visit.  Hee hee... maybe I overcompensated a little from the last time he was sick and didn't eat.

Poor little friend!

Poggy Bath Time

It's been a while since I have written on this blog.  So much has happened since then in my life.  One thing that has stayed pretty consistent though is Poggles.

Well, mind you, he's a bit more mellow than he used to be.  I can actually pick him up in the bath like this without him making a fuss.

Look at him sitting with his little paws on my hand like a champ!

Who switched out my grumpy little boy for this mellow fellow?

Who is this Poggles imposter?!?

Omg... he's been switched with this fuzzy teddy bear of a hedgehog!

This imposter is photogenic too.

Hee hee!

But when bath time is over, he reverts to his true self.

But even then it's kind of odd.  He doesn't even really care that he's on his back.

Look, he unraveled and just looked at me!

He was tired after bath and photo time.  He burrowed his way into his comfy fleece liner blanket.

I think it's time for a nap.  I love my new mellow sweet boy.  I think old age is making him calmer.  It's either that or he's FINALLY realizing that all good and tasty things come from his adopted mother.  I also gave him a nice bath on a super hot day.  I think he liked the water since he sat there with all this quills down and just enjoyed the bath.

Did you know that Poggles is three years old now?  We didn't have a birthday party on his birthday, but he enjoyed some pureed chicken in broth baby food plus some organic turkey and vegetable baby food with mealworms and his usual chicken, duck, and pea kibble.  I am happy he made it to three years old.  I always used to think he wouldn't be around until nursing school was done, but my study buddy is still happy and healthy.  I am so glad  :)

Have a happy day!