My First Year of Nursing

My first year of nursing has gone by!  Hurray!  I would love to say that it has been magnificent, but the truth is that it has been rather appalling (and has passed very quickly).

Too Many Night Shifts

I have experienced the very terrible four night shifts in a row (which I should never ever do again!).  It lead to a very zombie-like nurse and I got sick the week after.  I think my body couldn't handle it.  I couldn't sleep much during the noisy day time so I basically had four sleep-deprived nights in a row.  It is a very bad thing.  Don't do it  :)

Nurse Bullying 

I experienced situations where I got criticized for not doing things by another nurse.  Afterwards, I discovered that no one else had time either (somehow three shifts later no nurse had done it yet) and, in some cases, no one wants to do those tasks either (you realize it's a task that no nurse actually does).  So... why am I getting criticized for not doing them?  You quickly learn that nurses that complain the loudest and most assertively get away with the most.  Unfortunately, I am not that brave and not that loud.

Not Enough Time

I have tried and tried to do everything every shift, but I have realized it is not possible.  I get aching feet, super fatigue, and I end up hating my job cuz I'm so burnt out.  On the plus side, I have really happy patients and families on those days and the other nurses benefit because the families bring goodies like hot coffee and pastries for the ward as thanks for their family member being so well taken care of.  

It's not sustainable though.  When you have 8 hours and 7 patients, you can only do so much each shift without completely obliterating every last ounce of energy and patience you have.  If you're lucky, some of these patients are independent.  If one or more of your patients' condition turns sour, you're screwed.

Burn Out

For a short while, I thought it was just me.  Maybe I was the only one getting burned out so quickly after starting nursing.  To my surprise, I found other nurses that talked about getting burned out and considering dropping out of the field.  They told me that it helped to do things like changing wards to get a fresh start, or getting into a specialty area.  Also, they said that not doing night shifts anymore helped.

I feel like I just got out of nursing school and it's too quickly to go back to school again, but getting out of this rut is very important too.  I hate feeling tired every day.  I'm tired from working so hard every day, but I'm also tired emotionally.  

Natural deaths are hard to handle, unexpected and gruesome deaths are even harder to handle, and calming down people is something that I do so often that I'm tired of it.  It seems like every patient is panicking because they are confused about where they are and why, they are in pain and need to be medicated regularly all shift, they are puking, and their disposable brief needs to be changed for poop - very, very smelly whole-ward stinkin' poop.  

Meanwhile, the other nurses are getting stressed out and they're taking it out on each other.  I've heard nurses yelling at each other in frustration or snapping at me if I ask too many questions (I've since learned to just look stuff up instead of asking people, just in case).  It is a very stressful work environment.

Good Stuff

Anyways, that's all the bad stuff.  The good stuff is that I have learned so many new skills.  And so many skills that used to be hard, are now much easier.  Little by little, I am becoming a more competent and skilled nurse.  It's a good feeling.  I also still appreciate the little comments my patients give me when they appreciate what I do for them, or the relieved smiles when their families get positive reports from me.  I appreciate the nurses that take the time to teach me new things, help me with my work, or that thank me when I help them.  Those are good things too.

All in all, year one of real nursing has been challenging.  Let's see how year two goes!  Fingers crossed!

The Last Semester of Nursing School

Believe it or not, four years of nursing school is almost over!  I am starting my eighth and final semester.

Last Semester
I had a rough time last semester.  I was almost failing my research course and I didn't realize it until after the midterm because the first paper wasn't marked until after the midterm.  When I found out, I was shocked and horrified.  Apparently I didn't understand the requirements of the first paper and had done it wrong.
I should have learned from my mistake in Pathophysiology (where I got zero on a paper for using the wrong kind of article), but apparently old habits die hard.

Well, I worked VERY hard after that rude awakening.  I worried to no end and studied as hard as I could.  My teacher received regular visits from me so I could make sure I was doing the final paper properly, and I did all the practice tests that I could get my hands on.

My hard work eventually paid off and I finished the course with a tidy B-.  Somehow my obsessive studying passed over to the other course as well and I got an A+ in the other course.  That's my first A+ in the nursing program.  I was so delighted.

Getting Fat
The downside of obsessive studying is that I probably sat and studied for hours at a time without moving much.  I may or may not have also soothed my worried with delicious snacks.  I managed to gain five pounds.  Oops.  So much for exercising and being healthy.

So of course the New Year is busy with trying to remedy a new problem, and I have been watching my Netflix shows while pedaling away on a stationary bike  :)  It is surprisingly satisfying to finish both exercising and catching up on shows at the same time.  I also enjoy writing the time I spent on exercising each day on the calendar.

The Preceptorship
So the final semester has finally begun.  My classmates and I have been assigned to different hospital wards and we each have a preceptor nurse.  We will be working with these nurses based on their normal nurse schedules and gradually learn to take on their full workload.  The goal is to practice being a real nurse with a real nurse schedule.

I did a shorter version of a preceptorship a few semesters back on an orthopedic (bone) ward.  This time I will be on a Medicine ward.

Other than working a normal nurse's schedule, we are going to be studying for the Registered Nurse licensing exam in June.

Positive Start
I am pretty excited about this semester.  My instructor seems pretty nice and I am looking forward to meeting my preceptor.  I will be working in a hospital that I have never worked in before, so I'm excited about that too.

I hope you will all have a lovely weekend.

Take care!

Week 1 of Semester 7 - No, not again!

I can't believe I'm back to school AGAIN already.  I didn't even tell you about my vacation yet and it's already back to school.

Change and Research
The theme of this semester is change and research.  I don't know much about these two topics yet, but the gist seems to be that we will do a big project all semester long that will create change in a community organization.  We will also learn about how to be smart consumers of scientific research and how research is important to nursing practice.

I Like To Ride My Bicycle
Confined to endless textbook readings, I have re-rigged a way to prop my textbook up on my stationary bike.  I hope this will help me to stay "active" while having no choice but to read ALL DAY LONG.

The teachers are warning us that this semester will be brutal and that we can say good bye to our social life.  They even said that we can't listen to music or watch TV while doing homework.

Fear Mongering
When I listen to them talk in class about how hard this semester will be, I imagine them as jailers telling us to say goodbye to our freedom.  It is actually kind of scary how much they are trying to make us feel anxiety so we will hopefully stay on track this semester.

I wonder if they are right or whether they are exaggerating a tad bit.  I mean, EVERY semester is hard.  If this one is hard, it's no different, right?  Every semester I say goodbye to my freedom.  Why is this one suddenly different?

I think this semester will be no more difficult than when I took the extra elective course in semester 6.  I aced that elective course too.  I think I'll just have to work equally hard.  But, of course, I'll probably eat my foot later...

Language
The language in this semester is different, says our teacher.  In other words, the language of our textbooks this semester is MORE BORING.

I almost died just trying to get through Chapter 1.  I think it was supposed to be one of the easier chapters to read, but it's the kind of textbook where your mind wants to wander because it can't comprehend why it took so many words to say something so simple.  Other times, I just wonder why I need to know so many small details.

Why can't I just get a summary?

But of course if I memorize the general idea, they are going to test me on the details.  It always happens.  I should know better by now...

Negativity?
Do I sound negative?  Yes!  Of course I do.  But it's for a good reason.  It's because my vacation was so good and I miss it already  :)  Please, please let it be vacation time again.

I don't want it to be school time already!  I just wanna go back to my big boat, eating tasty foods, saying hello to Mickey Mouse...

You see how upset Donald Duck is?  It's like I was leaning over the rail enjoying the view and someone shoved me overboard onto Vancouver soil  :P  

Alas, there is no point in complaining.  If I work very hard, it will be vacation time soon enough.  My classmates tell me that I will be finished my nursing program in 8 months!  That is indeed not a very long time. 

I can do it!  I hope you are having a good time wherever you are.

Week 4 of CPE III - Struggling With The 12-Hour Shift Work

This semester we follow a real nurse's schedule.  This usually means working two 12-hour days and then switching to two 12-hour nights.  Then we get a few days off before beginning a new set.

It doesn't sound very difficult, but 12-hour shifts are hard.  I wake up at 5 am to catch a 6 am bus to make it to work by 7:30 am.  Then I work 12 hours until 7:30 pm and get home by about 8:30-9 pm.  That gives me just enough time to shower, eat a snack, take care of Poggles, and then go to bed.  I do this for two days.

On the second day home, I can stay up a little later.  Then I sleep in the next morning, do laundry (so I have clean uniforms), enjoy my day a little bit, then take a nap from 2-5pm, catch the 6pm bus to get to work by 7:30pm, and then work 12 hours before getting off at 7:30am.  When I get home, I sleep in as much as I can, and repeat for another night shift.

The flipping in sleeping schedules throws me off.  For the next couple nights, I wake up in the middle night for no particular reason.  It takes me about two days before I am back to sleeping through the night.  But I feel constantly groggy and slightly irritable, and I feel the need to take afternoon naps because I feel tired.

Part of the grogginess and irritability comes from swapping sleeping schedules, the other part comes from the stress of the work itself.  I have picked up the bad habit of worrying about patients on my days off.  I think about how they are doing and whether they are having a good day or a bad day.  I wonder if anyone has come to visit them.  Some of the patients have no visitors at all, despite telling me that they do have grown up children.  Why don't their kids come to visit them?

Another thing that bothers me is growing old.  I see all the patients struggling with their different diseases and conditions.  Some of them are so confused that they think it's somewhere in the 1930's or 50's and they are still a young adult instead of an elderly person.  They tell me about how they have small children (when their children are all grown up with children of their own).  Some of them cry constantly for a family member that has passed away a long time ago, and how do you tell them that they are gone?

I feel that working with confused patients is very draining.  I try to rationalize with them or persuade them or console them and so much of it is a struggle because they don't understand.  They fear their surroundings, the people, the medicine, etc, and they don't know if they can trust anyone or anything.  Their fear and anxiety becomes part of my fear and anxiety since I am the one working with them and trying to understand where they are coming from, and it wears on me.

The nurses complain about how many times they have taken a patient to the bathroom, even though it is only 3-4 times in 12 hours.  I feel bad for the patient because 3-4 times is not a lot, but I also understand their frustration because taking a confused person to the bathroom can be very difficult.  You often need 2-3 people to operate a lift and move a heavy patient.  It takes a lot of effort to explain everything we are doing and sometimes the person gets confused and upset or they hit out.

One nurse mentioned being punched in the throat before.  Sometimes they even change their mind about going to the bathroom and you have to undo the lift and put them back to bed, only to have them ask to go to the bathroom again after a few minutes.

On my days off I do a lot of thinking.  I think about how it sucks to be a sick and confused person, and how I don't want to be like that one day.  I wonder about whether it is worth it to live to be that old if I have to live like that.  Then I think about all the people that are suffering as a result of different things they did when they were younger like smoke a lot, or drink a lot, or eat a lot of fattening foods.

I look at how I am living my life and I think about whether I should eat that slice of pie (even though it would be really tasty and I would really enjoy it.)  I feel like it takes a little of the enjoyment out of life to see the possible outcome of some of my decisions.  At the same time, if I don't enjoy my life, what is the point?

So, as you can see, it is wearing on the mind to do the 12 hour shifts and shift rotations.  It makes one just groggy enough to poorly adapt to the shocking experiences associated with acute care nursing.  I have one more day off before it's time for another set.  I hope I'll be able to recover sufficiently by then.

Have a good week!